The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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