shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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