i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
