i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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