Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize