I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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