im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
