i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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