So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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