Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
