why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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