im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
