Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
