i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we made out on top of his cat.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
