I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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