The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
smell my finger.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
