but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
