she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
