I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
