Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just invented taco cereal.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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