My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
