ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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