Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
