Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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