When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i will never coherently bang her
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
