It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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