I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
