he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
