this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How naked do you want me to be?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
