in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
