plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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