I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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