But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
