I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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