ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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