so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
