Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
