I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
