One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
