if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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