just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
