It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
