Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
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