I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
