Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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