He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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