I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
