LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
