smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
