I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
