Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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