Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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