I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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