omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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