I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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