Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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