yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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