Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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