a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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