We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
