1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
