you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
