But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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