i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're a waste of cheezeits
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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