I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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