I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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