Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
