Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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