Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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