i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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